Holy Matrimony

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here today in the sight of God to join this man, and this woman in holy matrimony. Not to be entered into lightly, holy matrimony should be entered into solemnly and with reverence and honor. Into this holy agreement these two persons come together to be joined. If any person here can show cause why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Marriage is a sacred union between husband and wife and shall remain unbroken. It is the basis of a stable and loving relationship and is a joining of two hearts, bodies and souls. The husband and wife are there to support one another and provide love and care in times of joy and times of adversity.

We are all here today to witness the joining in wedded bliss of (Groom’s Name) and (Bride’s Name.) This joyous day celebrates the commitment and love with which (Groom’s Name) and (Bride’s Name) start their lives together. Through God, you are joined together in the most holy of bonds. Who gives this woman in holy matrimony to this man?

These are traditional wedding vows. Would it be blasphemous of me to announce that I’m married to Jesus? My vows to God and Jesus go something like this:

Dear family and friends,

We are gathered here in the presence of God, to witness the holy union of Mia and Jesus Christ. This is a commitment that should never be taken lightly, but should always be held in reverence and a manner that is pleasing to our Heavenly Father.

Repeat after me…

I, Mia, take thee Jesus to be my heavenly partner in life. I will honor and obey Your word, dwelling on all that You speak to my heart. I will always come to You in prayer, sharing my struggles, asking for Your guidance, and seeking You first when I have anything pressing on my heart. I will rejoice when my earthly life is good and praise You when it is difficult. I promise to be patience, kind, loving, and always look to You as my standard for living. I know that I have a purpose and You give me hope for the future. I promise to love You and place You first in all areas of my life.

Not bad. It’s where my heart is and my faith grows daily. Faith is a powerful thing and I know I only need it to be the size of a mustard seed to move mountains.

“So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Matthew 19:6

I asked Jesus to come into my heart and save me many years ago. While I said that prayer of gratitude for the atonement. I still behaved in a manner that was displeasing to God. Today’s blog is about recommitting myself to God. I haven’t written much in the past week or so, but it’s okay. Spending time with God and Jesus is my priority. I wake up in the morning and kneel beside my bed, praying before I’ve even considered going to the bathroom. That’s commitment, yo!

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24

The Holy Spirit is in me. It prompts me when I need to seek God’s Word and guidance. It’s there when I need comforting. It is present when I need to escape any situation that is detrimental to my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I feel complete now.  Like a whole person.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be married while living in this earthly existence. I would love to be married. There is some sort of peace in it. Security, even. I want to come home and kiss my husband, wake up in the morning and kiss him again. In the movie, Sweet Home Alabama, Dakota Fanning plays a younger version of Reese Witherspoon’s character. She asks the boy, “Why do you want to marry me anyhow?” He replies, “So I can kiss you any time I want.” That’s only part of what I want. I want the person who is committed to me; who wants me as much as I want him. Someone who is willing to do 25 to life with me. I have no idea how much time I have on this planet. Neither does anyone else. I just want to spend it with someone who values and appreciates the woman that I am just as much as I appreciate the man he is.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled,” – Hebrews 13:4

Nothing is worse than being cheated on. It left me feeling like I wasn’t good enough as a wife. Then, as the affairs continued, I felt that I wasn’t even good enough as a person. I forgave him. I’d forgive the next guy too. That doesn’t mean I can forget the feelings of worthlessness that were created. I’m not perfect. I’m COMPLETE.

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33

I respected my husband. In fact, I’ve respected all the men in my life. There was truly no reason not to, even when I didn’t agree with certain things. I trust implicitly too, until I’m given a reason not to trust.  Yes, I’m definitely gullible and naive when it comes to men and relationships. It’s not fair. It’s not right for me to judge someone on their past. I want my husband to treat me as well as I treat him.  I don’t need material things. I don’t need a lot of money. I’ve never been that way. I need security and comfort. I’m happiest with a home-cooked meal, a movie on the TV, and snuggling on the couch.

I want a partner in life. Someone who loves God more than he loves me. Someone who wants my affection and passion. Someone who will let me love him through the darkness of time as well as the bright sunshine of day. Someone who laughs when I’m being goofy and holds me when I melt down.  There’s a whole list but the most important thing is that whomever he is, he needs to love God first.

“We love because he first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19

Until God tells me that He has someone for me, I’m married to Jesus! And impatiently patiently waiting as God makes me into the woman He wants me to be.

Falling

Wise men say, only fools rush in

But I can’t help, falling in love with you

That’s such a good song by Elvis Presley.

Are we foolish for falling in love with someone? What makes love foolish? Is love only a game for fools?

It’s easy to love someone. My friend K once said that I am a very easy person to love. Looking back on my life and relationship history, (sorry if I sound narcissistic here), I can see how someone could fall in love with me.

As I’ve gotten older and have experienced the hardships of life, falling in love hasn’t been easy. I’ve been more jaded and cynical about love. I can love someone I care about fairly easy but it’s a different kind of love. It’s a way for me to say “I care about you”, “I’m concerned about your wellbeing”, or “I want to know what is going on in your life”.

It’s not necessarily about romantic love and intimacy. It’s a way for me to draw closer to those I genuinely care about.

I’ve surrounded myself with an invisible wall over the last several years. My heart has been barricaded and I’ve not had a reason to take a sledgehammer to the bricks. It’s as if a cast-iron chastity cage has been erected and oxidized with no hope for rusty disintegration.

Love is a risk. I believe my walls have come down, brick by brick but the cage is still around my heart.

Am I a fool for falling? Or is it the wisest thing I could do for an amazing man who deserves my whole heart?

What Is Love? Pt. 2

My boyfriend and I had the following conversation last night:

I’ve spent most of today thinking about what love means to me. I’ve come to believe love is circular in many ways. Think about it for a moment…

A wedding band is a never ending circle demonstrating the emotional bond between two people. Love is two hearts sharing a single beat. Does your heart skip a beat when you look at your significant other? Mine does. Perhaps it’s my heartbeat syncing with his as I fall in love.

Love can be symbolized in many ways. It is often seen in the form of a heart. When love, we’re supposed to love with all our heart, right? The symbolism of the heart equating to love began in the 15th century. It’s a great way to write love. Red roses also represent love.

For me, after much thought, love is more of a demonstration rather than the verbal or written word. My boyfriend shows me his love (maybe I shouldn’t use that word just yet in regards to him yet) by doing little things for me. He holds my hand when we walk through a store or at the movies. He holds me when I need to be held, without even saying a word. He came to see me this past weekend after the horrible week I had. I didn’t ask him to but he knew I needed to feel how much he genuinely cares for me.

He’s filled my gas tank on more than one occasion. That demonstrated so much of how he feels about me. Case in point – I drove nearly everywhere and my ex never once offered to pay for gas. Not even for the 45 minute one way drive to pick up his ex-stepdaughter. Sad.

Gifts from the heart are great for birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas but they don’t truly symbolize what love is. Material goods are not a replacement for real love.

Actions speak louder than words. The same goes for love. Anyone can say the words. They’re just words. Do they have meaning? Yes. When said at the right time and in the right context, those three little words have a powerful impact on its recipient.

Love is a very strong emotion. It is possible to love unconditionally. I mean more than just your child.

Love is the ability to give all of yourself, every fiber of your being to another person. It is the internal swelling of your heart when you look at him. It is in the way you kiss – kissing him like you miss him, even when he was simply in the next room. It’s resting your head on his shoulder and holding his hand while watching television.

It is communication. It is finding the words to lift each other up, especially during arguments. It is being supportive during hard times. It is finding the time to just be imperfect together. Nobody is perfect.

Love is a learning process.

It is the process of two hearts becoming one.

He Sees Me

The darkness has turned to light

The cup of joy overflows into a river of happiness long overdue

Tides of a ripple effect, washes over my heart

He sees me

The whole of my heart, bathed in light

His care is for me alone, as I walk with trepidation for the new-founded love

He sees me

Unabridged, unedited, raw with hidden emotions and an unbridled yearning

My heart has waited, patiently, to feel the strength of a single beat in unison

He sees me, for all that I am

He sees me, for who I am and what I will become

He sees me

Best Friend

I have two female best friends. I can share anything with my girls.

Allie lives a state away. I’ve know this amazingly awesome chick for 35 years. She is notorious for calling bullshit if something is fishy in my life. If I’m smelling the stink, I tell her first. She’s got my back in a heartbeat. I keep trying to tell her she needs to leave that state. Men there are nothing more than little boys. Children. Ugh. She’s about to be the sexiest grandma I know. Wait!!! She’s only 44, so she’s pretty young (younger than me anyways). When we are together, it’s a whirlwind of madness, chaos, and mayhem. Party, anyone? I appreciate that she and I get girl time when we can. We aren’t afraid to sit in the front row, beat on the glass, and slug a couple of beers during a Red Wings game (put that on your agenda, Allie). Girl, we have been through some serious stuff over the last 35 years. None of it, and I mean NONE OF IT, has killed us! Take that, life!

BonBon is my “little sister”. Our bond was tight right from the start. I haven’t known her as long as I have Allie but we’ve been through some short-term hell. I’ve watched the heartache she’s gone through and my heart has died for her pain. I wish I was still in CA for her. I miss my nieces and nephew.

Both of these wonderful women are my “ride or die” chicks. I’d go to the ends of the earth to find their happiness, all the while foregoing my own. They deserve this.

What I would love nothing more is to find my male partner in crime. A man strong enough to stand up to me while making me his equal. A man that will let me cry on his shoulders when I have no clue why I’m crying. A man who will wake up kissing me. A man who says “hey, can you afford to skip work” and we go on a one-day road trip to anywhere the road takes us. A man who will kiss me as soon as we’re home from our long days. A man who will “borrow” my car just to fill up the take.

A man that I can tell anything to yet understands when I shut down because I can’t find the words to express the overwhelming turmoil in my brain. And when I have a meltdown, he will just hold me until our world is calm. A man who wants to explore the world with me. A man who will kiss me to shut me up and make me forget what we were arguing about.

A man who will love God more than he loves me.

This man will be my world. He will have my heart, my devotion, my complete, unconditional love. He would be the air I breathe, very much like my girls. I won’t suffocate the relationship but when he needs me, I’ll be there.

He needs to be my best friend before anything else. He’ll get the whole of me.