Disclaimer: This post will come across as sexist, genderist, and downright rude to some. If you are that easily offend, maybe you need to go back inside your box and stfu.
Dating and relationships have evolved over the millennia. It saddens me to see how dating is nothing more than a way to feel someone out for a casual hookup. Both men and women have been reduced to nothing more than an object. A wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am/ sir object. One to fulfill the lustful desires of the human body.
Ladies, guys aren’t doing the things they used to. Wonder why? Well, it’s not 1950-something and Petticoat Junction was a TV show. Perhaps it’s the constant screaming for equality between the sexes. Perhaps somewhere down the line we got it into our heads that we don’t need anyone’s help to do anything we wanted. I know I was raised to be self-sufficient. I can change a tire, balance a checkbook, lift heavy baskets/groceries, and fix basic household situations.
I like my independence but I love being in a mutual relationship. I’m sorry but when I was living with someone (married, even), I did not expect my guy to do anything after he had a long hard day at work while I was home all day. I made sure dinner was ready when he got home. I made sure he had clean clothes for work. I found compromise in the relationship. I hate to vacuum. Like, with a passionate despite. I do it because it’s a necessary evil. However, if he likes to vacuum but hates doing laundry, by all means! If he wants to vacuum all day long, I will sit on the couch and keep him company while he does it!
Men, ladies aren’t doing what they used to. Life is very different for women these days. Households can no longer survive on a single income. We have to work. Therefore, women are putting in as much time as you (men) are just to survive. There is single parenting going on. I can’t speak from experience, but rather what I’ve seen from dating single dads. Not all single parents have a great support system. This is both for moms and dads alike. Both (single) parents work all day then come home to take care of a child (or children). There are household chores to be done, homework to be checked, meals to be made, bills to be paid, and a thousand other things that are screaming for attention.
It is all these little things that add up that make dating and relationships more difficult than they need to be. Now, let’s throw in the fact that people are just stubborn enough to not understand what true compromise is about. I pick and choose my battles. It seems so dumb to get annoyed when lights are left on or all the hot water gets used. Granted, there are definitely some hardcore deal breakers in relationships. I, for one, don’t tolerate theft, lies, or illegal drug use. Those are my deal breakers. I’m not anyone’s judge. I can overlook a lot of things. It’s because I accept people for who they are, toxic traits and all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m not without my own issues. I just hope that someone will love me despite those issues. I have days where I struggle to do the bare minimum to function (a side effect of depression). I’m not a huge fan of the one holiday that brings people the most joy – Christmas. I don’t always do the dishes. You can’t eat off my kitchen floor. Those are not things that matter in the grand scheme of life. I never want to be so busy with trivial things that I miss out on the value of a wonderful relationship with someone I love.
Dating and relationships are hard. They require WORK. Some relationships look easy but the truth is we don’t know what is truly transpiring between two people. One very important thing I’ve learned from relationships is that I never want my man to feel like he isn’t appreciated or valued in our relationship.
God never intended for man to be alone. He created Eve to HELP Adam. If a woman cannot be supportive of her significant other in the relationship, what are you doing? The same can be said to men. Don’t let your significant other do everything on their own. It needs to be mutual! Share in everything. Sometimes the woman has to give 150%. Sometimes the man has to give 150%. Not every day in a relationship will be perfect. But it takes two. Give 100% on each person’s part. There will be days when you can’t give 100% and that is okay. It just means we have to lift each other up for a while.
Where is the bar set for dating? Do you expect him to open the door for you? Do you expect her to allow moments for you to talk? Have you communicated your expectations to each other? When you expect nothing, you get nothing.
Put away your phone when spending time together. (I’m working on this.) Look at each other when talking. Hold hands. Do little things for each other. Play games. Surprise each other. Show love.
He puts more effort into our relationship than I realize at times but I see him. I appreciate him. I want to help him so he doesn’t get upset or frustrated with doing all the work. I’m not perfect by any means. I struggle. I’m struggling right now with depression and I know the battle will get worse. I hope he understands and will be supportive of me during this brief time. But I don’t expect it. Maybe I should expect it because that’s what you do for someone you love.
Dating is hard. Be willing to compromise but don’t sacrifice yourself to conform to another’s whims. Be a safe haven. Never stop learning in your relationship. Fight for love.
What are you willing to do for your relationship?